SiL: Familiar New Experiences

This episode of SiL doesn’t actually take place in London – sorry to disappoint, but I it’s a good one.

Not getting much chat, or action, from the London dating scene I can feel myself getting frustrated and wound up. What do people generally need when frustrated and up-tight? They need to get laid. So who can I enrol to help me with this? I don’t want to just proposition a random guy in a bar or online, so flick through my phone looking for a suitable lover to take. Enter Mark.

I met Mark at Christmas in the pub. We spent most of the night chatting and he wanted to walk me home regardless of my sister giving the most intense Spanish inquisition in an attempt to scare him away. I made him give up half way home (nothing was going to happen that night anyway) and we lost contact not long after. Perfect right? I fancied him at the time. He fancied me. There’s nothing lost if it goes wrong. The only thing I needed to know was how do you set up a bootycall when you’ve never done that before?

After chatting to various friends and asking for tips the response was:

“tell him outright what you want and see what he says”
“strike up a conversation and drop in you’re going home for the weekend and wait for him to ask. He’ll get the hint”
“send a gif of someone propositioning sex”
“Netflix and Chill?”

I decided to merge a couple. I struck up a conversation, dropped in that I was going home and suggested he might like to come over for a late night movie. He likes movies. Brilliant!

So 11.30 on Saturday night he turns up and I sneak him into my room (not hard since its next to the front door) and we chat, and don’t watch a film. It’s not great sex – he has been drinking and can’t get it up fully, but actually I just don’t care. I think the fact that he wanted to have sex with me was validation enough that I didn’t need my happy ending. And in actually fact I was happy. We lay there together, naked, and watched another film wrapped in each other until we fell asleep. In the morning he leaves and I feel great. As if I’ve just had such an intimate experience off the back of a failed bootycall. And it felt right.

We’ve been snapchatting each other every day since. In fact we’ve been talking every day. I think I’d like to visit home again soon.

SiL: The 30 Second Crash

Ever been on a date and been hit by something totally unexpected within the first 30 seconds? Me neither until now.

Let me tell you about Masefield. Yes I know, Masefield. We matched on Bumble. Yes it’s another dating app (it replaced Happn on my phone) similar to Tinder but the woman has to speak first and has 24 hours to do so. I think it is to prevent creeps from sending dick pics or less-than-gentlemanly messages in the first instance. Also I think it promotes gender balance which I think is a good thing. Why not make the woman approach the man? Anyway I digress. So we matched on Bumble and got chatting. I was intrigued by the man behind the name – how do you get a name like that!

After a week or so of chatting we set up a date. He seemed lovely, (he is lovely actually) and good looking and has a similar style of chatting to me. This could be something. How exciting! So we agree to go to a restaurant in Soho during the week and I am really looking forward to this one. I am going to tell you now that I had such a fun night, but knew immediately that it wasn’t going to go anywhere. Why?

Ever seen that Haribo advert where the adults are eating sweets but have the voice of a child? No?

Yep. Initial shock over (which I sincerely hope I hid like the professional relationship maker I used to be) and l know this isn’t going anywhere for me. The last thing I want is to be dirty talked by someone on permanent helium. If I can’t imagine looking down and seeing you going to town then I know it’s not going to work for me. Sorry it’s just not.

So a totally stress free meal (on my part, I don’t know about him), great conversation, a walk through Soho and 2 cocktails later we call it a night and I have had a brilliant time! And before you say ‘can’t you get past that?’ I think it’s important to note that we are different people. He is from a small village in the Cotswolds which he plans on moving back to, he is very safe and quite timid – especially when crossing the road. He also just really, really, wanted a Pina Colada. So we weren’t a good match really because I am a city girl, throw caution to the wind and a beer drinker. BUT I learned an important lesson.

Walking back up the stairs to my flat I thought to myself ‘what a shame’. But then I thought no. No this is not a shame and that is a terrible thing to think. He deserves to be with someone who doesn’t think the fact his voice is high pitched is a shame. He should be with someone who doesn’t think twice about it and enjoys every bit of him. It is not a shame and I don’t want to think that again. I think it’s easy to get caught up in what you want or think you want and how it feels not to get that from meeting someone new but actually we are all in the same boat. We just need to keep looking until we find our fit.

He is named after the poet laureate John Masefield by the way.

And Who Said Chivalry was Dead

Dating is hard these days; both men and women have different expectations and actually different desires from their date. But I think it is fairly safe to say that the open romantic is a dying breed; men are just not as chivalrous as they used to be. Thats fine, times are changing.

BUT lowe and behold I witnessed something so sweet this morning on the tube that it made me smile for most of the morning.

It was fairly packed and a couple squeezed on in Bermondsey. He was tall and carved himself a space with enough room for her. And here is where it gets sweet. She couldn’t reach a pole to steady herself on which normally would cause me some anxiety. This girl: no way! She casually hooks her two dominent fingers into her boyfriend’s waistband and uses him to steady herself. For 5 stops! All the while he just tightens his grip on the overhead bar and continues as if this is the absolute norm.

Something very small, but also striking.

Well done team.

 

SiL: My non-Scot from Happn

One of my friends swears by Happn. This is an app that I’ve not really had that much interest in before now, ergo not that much luck either. I understand how it would work, but I do think there is a certain type of person it would work for. It seems to me that by the happnnature of the app (and by the type of people that were ‘charming’ me) that it is most suited to people looking for a relationship. I don’t think it has the same reputation as Tinder; it’s not just a hook-up thing.

For anyone who doesn’t know what Happn is, it is a dating app that tracks where you are and who you walk near. I think it is best explained by example. Let’s say I am walking along the Southbank. I can stop at any point, look at my Happn feed and it will tell me who I’ve walked near (within a radius like Tinder), and where I passed them. I can then scroll down the screen and see photographs of all the men I’ve walked past who use the app. You can track your whole day if you really wanted to but it will refresh when more people pass by. If I like them I can click that I’m interested, and if they’ve clicked me too then we have a match. But there is a problem here. If you don’t go on regularly then you’ll never see that you’ve walked past people who may have ‘liked you’ and never see they were there. It’s not hugely dissimilar to Tinder in this respect, however Tinder has a wider pool to fish in. If you want to get noticed and you’re worried the person you fancy isn’t going to log on and see you then you can ‘charm’ them and they get a notification sent through to their phone prompting them to see. For my friends who are successful with Happn they are on there regularly, and all looking for love.

After much persuasion I give in and download the app. Excited at first I like a few people and nothing comes of it. No matches. I get charms but not by anyone who I am remotely interested in. I know I don’t want to chat because they either don’t tickle my fancy looks wise or most likely there is something in their profile pics that puts me off. I don’t want someone who shows off they are a family man by holding babies (I don’t want a family, and I don’t want to waste your time – or mine), and I don’t want someone who doesn’t look like they take care of their appearance. Sorry I just don’t.

excited faceBut then Jasper comes along. He’s cute, Scottish, a teacher and matched with me without using charms. We got chatting and he invites me on a date. Finally! How exciting. So we agree to meet Saturday at 3 in a café in South London he swears by, all the while I am showing his black locks and blue eyes off to my friends feeling quite good about this one.

Saturday comes and I am starting to feel nervous so my sister and her new boyfriend suggest we go grab a coffee in a café nearby first and then I can just go over the road and meet him when 3 rolls by. It gets to 2.50 and he sends me a text letting me know that he is running slightly late but on his way. That’s fine. I mean it puts me on edge a little because I am already quite nervous, and my sister’s boyfriend’s advice all day has been ‘just stop thinking about it and go with the flow’. Yeah fine, but I am quite neurotic. 3.10: Nothing. 3.20: Nothing. 3.30: Nothing. 3.40: Nothing. What do I do? They are telling me to give it a while longer – maybe he’s stuck in traffic. He knows I’m here right?waiting gif

Now I’ve been stood up before, so I know how this goes. Ready to give up I pick up my phone (for the umptheenth time) and contemplate whether to send him the ‘where are you, are you coming?’ text message that makes you feel vulnerable. 3.55: Buzz Buzz.

“So I take it you decided not to come then.” Wait, what?!
“No I’m here. Im in a café nearby but hadn’t heard from you so thought you’d not arrived yet. Are you there?”
“Yes I’ve been here since 5 past 3.” – WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!?!

So I head on over, feeling nervous, anxious and a little pissed to be honest because now I look like the asshole that didn’t show and find him standing at the door. He’s nervous too I can tell, but he is not what I was expecting. He’s not Scottish, fully grey (which is fine just be honest with me) and it later transpires he is not a teacher either. An awkward beer, jilted conversation (primarily lead by me asking questions about what he likes, what he does, his friends etc. because he has nothing to ask me), and a party of young parents and babies swarming us marks the end of a pretty weird afternoon.

Needless to say neither of us bothered to contact the other again. I was an asshole, and he was a liar.

I deleted Happn. (My friends still go on dates each week from it).